penn

Time and seasons

Sometimes, in the day to day minutia, I get overwhelmed with teaching, planning to teach, and parenting a young child. Julie requires a lot of hands-on time these days. I don't have much time for personal pursuits, hobbies, or even much wasting time (tho I still steal a few moments here and there). There are days when I wonder if it will ever end; when will I have free time again?

I am heartened, then, by the reminders when I quick-browse blogs in those stolen moments. Blogs like Chookooloonks remind me to look for the light in my every day. Karen, who writes Chookooloonks, has a tween daughter. She has found much more time for herself as her daughter grows.

This reminds me that parenting a young kid (and perhaps someday kids) is simply a season in my life. Just like being a kid myself, or being in college, lent itself to certain ways of spending my time, this season too has its own preoccupations. I do not have the time for binge-watching seasons of TV shows on Netflix or devouring a book right now. Marathon training will have to wait (and that's even assuming I ever decide, for sure, that I will run a marathon). And the pleasure of spending all day in solitude is a thing of the past.

However, I do have the time for laugh marathons. I have time for going on lovely walks and pointing out all the cool things we see; Julie is getting to the point and excited squeal stage, and occasionally she pops out a whole word. Today, "baby!" on a page in one of her favorite books. I have time for reading short stories with gorgeous pictures, playing a myriad of percussion instruments (all gifts!), splashing in the water, and lots of time proclaiming "wheee!" I have time for mimicking animals and hearing her repeat back: favorites are kitty, owl, bee, snake, and puppy.

This is but a season in my life, and this too shall pass. I am beyond excited to see the woman Julie grows up to be. And I am also doing my level best to enjoy the moments of joy, excitement, elation, exploration, and love right now.

Quiet energy

It is finals time around here. We are lucky to have the entire week of Thanksgiving off so that students can travel home. Thus, we complete the trimester before we leave and start fresh in December.

Some students are lagging these days. They truly are ready for break. At times, I feel like this too. The schedule here is demanding in many ways, and you don't truly get a break unless you leave campus.

Others are in a frantic mode of studying for finals. For some, this is the chance to final eke that A- up to their preferred grade. I feel this in myself, as I desperately try to plow through the last of my grading to hand back. I prefer to hand back work much quicker, but taking my own class this term has slowed me down. I'm also still writing my tests and must finish today so I have time to copy.

Still others have done the math and realized that simply passing their final will be sufficient to keep their grade stable. This is especially true for B and C students who are happy with their work (or those who realize that only a 99% can pop them up to the next level). These students are relaxed and ready to go home. This breed of student is rare, but it exists. I am not at all like this, but Matt fits the category well. His finals have been copied for a week. He knows what his preferred level of work is, and he can relax once he reaches that level.

In all areas of our school, we can see each of these students. While people can change, this definitely mirrors how they might approach life as an adult. We see similar habits as we approach large holidays and landmark celebrations.

Are you the major crafter who must pull off a homemade event, or are you the type who is happy to put out some beer, cheese, and crackers? In what spirit of mindfulness are you approaching the busy time that is coming up?

Best-worst gift

I'm loving the post at Planting Our Pennies today about the Best-Worst Present ever. In the post, both Mr. and Mrs. PoP describe the best present they've ever received that seemed awful at the time.

My story isn't quite as extreme as theirs, but I do remember one present that disappointed me but has since become something I adore. As a college graduation present, one of our family friends gave me an electric tea kettle with some loose leaf tea. I wasn't super sure about the gift; I drank tea, but I didn't do so often.

I was headed off to college, and I proudly brought my little pot (enclosed coils, so it was allowed in the dorm) to show I was a grown-up. Then, I promptly became jealous because everyone else had open hot pots, so they could cook noodle, make soup, etc. I was limited to heating up water, which was definitely not as flexible.

Since I liked my friend, I hung on to that electric tea kettle. It moved with me a variety of places, including across the country to Michigan. And then it came with me to Minnesota, where I met Matt. One of our regular traditions in the winter has been enjoying a cup of tea or cocoa as we wind down for the evening. We have frequently used this electric tea kettle over the last several years. Every time, I have fond memories of my family friend. I'm so glad I own the tea kettle, and I look forward to more years of warm beverages.

What about you? What's the best-worst present you've ever received?

Remember

Today, I remember my grandfather, who served in Hawai'i in World War II. While blessed to have arrived after Pearl Harbor, he nevertheless lived in an area that was an active war zone. He's in the middle here, standing up with his arm around another guy.

I remember Matt's grandfather, who served in the Aleutian islands building runways but still ran into Japanese soldiers who had holed up.

I honor my brother, who served in two tours in Iraq and a tour in Afghanistan as a marine then turned around, got work with the Pentagon, and went back to Afghanistan again.

I honor my friend Nick, who has now done two long tours in Afghanistan with the army. He no longer flies, which he loves, but still heads up a battalion. He was one of my best friends in high school, and I'm still proud of how far he has come.

I remember the countless veterans I knew from church in Kirkland. Names escape me at the moment, but I had such a wonderful time sitting around with them on Sunday mornings just listening to their collected wisdom. Frank Gaskill, George Harris, and many more.

I honor my many friends who have served for our country. While I don't like war, I still value those who are willing to put their lives on the line to defend our way of life. Thank you for your time, effort, and lives.

Grateful

As November is the month of giving thanks, I have a few things I'd like to give thanks for on this Sunday afternoon:

1. my lovely cat, whom we adopted from a shelter. She apparently sat around for a number of months, and we got her on sale. I'm glad the shelter kept her around, and I am grateful we found her. She's definitely a cat with her own moods and opinions, but she is still a wonderful companion. We are lucky to have her in our lives.

2. clean water, a luxury many don't have. We use a Brita filter mostly because we chill our water in the fridge. Our water is completely safe out of the tap, and I'm glad for that. Not everyone, even in the United States, can say that about their water.

3. libraries full of books. No need to purchase (and find bookshelf space for) tons of books with our wonderful local libraries. I can get books from our school library and from our town library, and we're both connected to a large library cooperative. I still own plenty of books -- mostly ones that are hard to find or I read often -- but I would need many more without the library.

What are you grateful for today?

Ever a student

While I did get my teaching license a year and a half ago, I left with two classes to go to my MAT (Masters of Arts in Teaching). I'd really like to get that done at some point. This fall, I decided there was no time like the present!

I also coached the volleyball team in September and October, so I had a really busy start to the school year. My life is slowly settling down now that volleyball is done, but this grad class keeps me on my toes.My work is interesting, but it takes a lot of time. Thankfully, I can manage it, but some weeks get quite busy.

This class is studying research design. I thought I knew a lot about this, given my background in science and research. Little did I know! There is so much variability possible in educational research. You can go quantitative (numbers based) or qualitative (by doing interviews). You can do correlation studies, experimental studies with control and experiment groups, or even just observation studies. So many possibilities!

I really wish I had a class like this in my ecology MS. It would have been nice to step through various experimental designs, how they've been used, and how to plan your own. This seemed like something my professor just expected me to know, and I realize now that I was lacking.

On the bright side, I know more than many students in my class. I value being able to be a resource and hone my own knowledge through explaining to others. There are a few social scientists in the class, so they help me understand the non-experimental, more qualitative work.

One thing is for sure: I really value getting to continue my learning. I always mean to do work on my own, but I am much more focused with a class. My subjects may change, but I will always love being a student.

Paint

We live at a boarding school, and we can be asked to change housing any time the school needs us to. Thus far, we have been fairly lucky. Matt moved some at first, but we spent three years at our last apartment. We're hoping for as many, or more, at our current place. Therefore, we have decided to work hard to make this place ours from the get-go.

This summer, we painted the living room, kitchen, and our bedroom before running out of steam sometime around the start of school. I had painted a small swatch of the hallway but nothing more. Last weekend, we renewed our push to get the whole apartment painted in colors of our choosing.

Our bathroom was not in the "must do immediately" list, as we liked the color well enough. However, the ceiling and some mildew was finally repaired, and the school painter also primed for us to prevent more mildew issues. We couldn't let that sit, so Matt took last weekend to paint the bathroom. He picked a lovely color that was appropriately titled "Bathe Blue" (Sherwin-Williams). Two coats later, and our bathroom looks wonderful.

I really like the sky-blue, soft color that is bright but not overwhelming. Matt is a good judge of colors, I think.

This weekend, we tackled the hallway, as I updated on Friday. We managed to get all of the main hallway done! (No pics yet, as we still want to hang art and must let the paint cure.) We still have a little entry hallway to paint, but that also needs some plaster fixing before we can be completely done. I'll slowly chip away at that. Our hope is to finish the hallway by Thanksgiving or Christmas, depending on when the painter can come by and plaster.

After that, we have only our second bedroom to paint before we've completely finished the entire apartment. I'm excited for that. Something about painting really helps me feel like this is our space and our little safe haven. Thank goodness for such a simple substance that allows us to transform a space.

Feeling like an adult

Several recent occurrences have made me consider what being an adult means. Planting our Pennies discussed financial adulthood, and some administrators at my school have been talking about responsibility and adulthood with students. Further, I'm easing into my 30s by actually turning 31 this month, which means I can no longer think of myself as just out of my 20s. In some ways, especially financially, I have felt adult for quite a long time. In other ways, I feel like I have so much growing up to do.

I have grown substantially in the past few years, and I want to share some of the attributes that make me feel adult. Sharing this does not mean I have mastered these; I am still a work in progress. But these are some hallmarks of adulthood that I am starting to feel, and they seem significant and weighty enough to share.

1. It is okay to let someone else's light shine.

For a long time, I wanted to be the center of attention. I like feeling special. I suspect that most of us do. I want people to notice me, and I want folks to pay attention to what I say. But there is a special joy in helping facilitate (or even just allow) someone else to take the spotlight. When I encourage someone else to share their good idea, I feel good. Stepping back to let someone else lead is fine. Heck, often, I learn from that person as well. I didn't take the time to do that when I was younger, and I'm glad I am taking that time now.

2. Grace is beyond kindness.

True grace is smiling and supporting someone even through your own emotions. When we lose a volleyball game, I remind the ladies that it is important to congratulate the other team sincerely. A student didn't get a part in the school play and was upset; we talked about tapping into grace to help her congratulate her friends and support them. Grace is taking critique, considering it, and being fair to the person even if you might not completely agree.

I am struggling to articulate grace here. It's a tricky one. I know how it feels to be graceful, and I like that feeling. It is akin to my first lesson; grace lets me let someone else's light shine even when I wanted my light to be the brightest.

3. I have to take care of myself to take care of others.

Goodness, this is difficult. I am a pro at feeling guilt for taking time for myself to legitimately be. I want to be there for my students 24/7. At a boarding school, this is the fast track to burnout. Sometimes, I don't answer the door that leads into the dorm hallway. Emails do not need to be responded to when I have more pressing work. Balance is essential.

Again, this is hard to articulate. My professional worrying has me concerned that I sound selfish here. But this isn't actually about being selfish. This lesson is about realizing that I have more of myself to give, on a regular basis, when I don't give every bit of myself away all of the time.

Growing up is much more of a process than I thought it would be when I was a youth. I try hard to be genuine, authentic, and giving. In the face of life and the many, many decisions I must make each day, this can sometimes be a struggle. But it is a struggle worth having. Here's to living, loving, learning, and growing.

Gosh, how grown-up I felt this day; this was the day before the first day of my senior year of high school. Unbelievable to imagine how far I have progressed since then.

A marriageable age

Julia Shaw wrote an intriguing article for slate entitled I Married Young. What are the rest of you waiting for?". The article struck a particular nerve with me. Shaw discusses how she had originally planned to wait for marriage, because life needs to be all ironed out first. Then, she met her wonderful husband during her sophomore year of college, and she decided an early marriage wasn't so bad. This, it turns out, has been a great decision for her. Her article enumerates all the benefits she has gained from the support of her husband and their wonderful marriage.

While I'm certainly happy for Shaw, as she seems to have married well for her, I am irked that the article focused on the age at which folks marry and not instead on who and how people date and make the decision for marriage. If Shaw had instead said "don't let your age hold you back from marrying your amazing boyfriend" or "don't break up with a great man because you have 'life plans'," I wouldn't be half so annoyed at the article.

I didn't get married at 29 because I was waiting for my life to fall into place. It just took me that long to find my wonderful, amazing, kind husband. Matt truly is one of the best people I know, and I am both proud and lucky to have him as my life partner. We were 26 when we met, and we prudently dated for awhile because we'd both dated people who started out nice and devolved into awful. If I had the good luck to have met him earlier, we would likely have married earlier.

I did meet a guy my sophomore year of college, and we did consider marriage. But my reasons for leaving that relationship weren't related to "not being held back." Yes, I did break up with him to study abroad. But, even at the time, I knew that was just a convenient time for a break up. He would have held me back in life. Not due to changing my goals, but because he was not the right partner for me. If I had pushed to get married earlier so I could have had that life partner through my random wandering 20s (which were mostly independent apart from being on my parents' cell phone plan), I would have married wrong and had that early divorce that many young people do have.

I'm glad Shaw's marriage worked out well. For some of us, it takes world wandering, soul-searching, and some growing up to find (or become) the right partner. To Shaw: don't judge us because we were not as lucky as you.

New happenings

In our first year of marriage, I have discovered a plethora of benefits from being married. Many are fairly run of the mill: Matt takes out the garbage, shares in laundry duties, and provides some bed warming in the evenings. More exciting has been learning about the myriad small, fringe benefits of my spouse.

This week I played my first game of backgammon. I lost by just one chip, though I think this is more due to Matt being a kind opponent than to any innate skill on my part. I found the game enjoyable, and I look forward to having that as part of our game regimen. We enjoy Scrabble, two player Blokus, and a few other titles, but we're still lacking in two-player offerings. This is a good addition, even if it does make me feel a bit old-school.

Another first from this week is Star Trek: The Next Generation. I was a Star Wars gal growing up. I remember seeing the inevitable glimpses of Star Trek here and there, but I never pursued the series. Matt grew up watching this with his family on the "family couch." On Netflix, he discovered we that we can watch the whole series. I only have three episodes under my belt so far, so I'm withholding judgement. I find the show fairly enjoyable but haven't converted.

Other miscellaneous changes include me skiing (cross-country is fun, but downhill is not my bag), lots more camping than I've ever done, and a good bit of hiking and outdoorsy fun. I might have done some of those without Matt, but his prodding has certainly pushed me farther than I would have gone alone.

We realized tonight that Matt has also changed from knowing me. When we met, his idea of cooking dinner was warming up a burrito or cooking ramen if he felt fancy. Now, he has dinner ready for me if he didn't work that day, and he also often starts dinner for us to finish together once I get home. He also reads far more than he ever did before.

Yes, having a spouse has suited me well so far. Our anniversary was December 30th. Here's to one great year and hopefully many more.