penn

Time creep

It is so easy to feel lazy these days when we can easily see everything our friends are doing on social media. I often get to the ends of weekends and think about all the things I haven't done. Even this weekend is prone to those sorts of feelings, and here's a run down of what I did:

Friday night bed at 7 pm with the little dude (yes! exhausting week of staying up late due to the feelings mentioned above of never getting stuff done, plus he and I are both fighting a cold that just won't quit). And this is where I add a side note: I fell off the blogging bandwagon so I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but I grew a second human! He's a year old now and completely fabulous. His name is Paul. We are smitten.

Saturday: taught morning science exploration time with a coworker for a bunch of middle schoolers, hung out with my kids, went on a long family walk (2 or 3 miles?), grilled for dinner, practiced videoconferencing with my cousin, and enjoyed snuggle time with both my kids at bedtime. Oh, and taped 30 minutes of video lectures for my students so class time can be spent on discussion, exploring, and questions.

Sunday: Matt left early for a 5k, so I got both kids up and ready and out the door to the zoo by 9:45 (a big deal since Julie, the 3.5 year old, sleeps in), enjoyed a day at the zoo, went to Target with Julie to look for a second carseat for her, had a virtual baby shower for my brother and sister in law (hence the videoconferencing) with our extended Penn family (not my actual last name but the part of my family I am closest too, hence my blog name), bedtime snuggles with both kids, and now folding laundry.

And here I was bumming about all the grading I didn't do this weekend, or lesson planning, or cleaning my office, or working on a big sewing project I'm part way through . . . but now I am feeling accomplished.

Joy

After school sometimes, when Matt has picked up Julie, he'll bring her to my classroom if I've been slow getting out of there as I finish up work. The joy on my little girl's face as she runs into my room and rushes to give me a big hug is unparalleled. This is the best part of motherhood so far.

Today, I had a coworker come check in with me right as I finished class. I had two small tasks to finish, but he needed help, so I stayed to work with him too. Around 4.40, my two loves came into the room. Julie bounced over and jumped into my arms (well, jumped as reasonably well as a non-quite-2 year old can jump). I received a giant hug and a face full of smiles.

Then, after, she happily helped Matt feed my classroom fish. She is mesmerized by them. "Pinch, pinch" she'll say as she gives them a little pinch of food at the top of the tank. I've got three fish with goldfish: a 40 gallon tank with one massive fish ("Goldie"), a 10 gallon tank with three medium-small fish, and a 10 gallon tank with 20 small fish. She makes the rounds and chatters about the different fish sizes: "small!" stated so exuberantly.

I hope she can bring this joy to all the tasks of her life. When I'm not tired and overwhelmed with the amount of work, this is the joy I love to bring to my own daily tasks. Hoping that I can plan some this summer so that my next school year is not quite so grueling (this has been a rough year with some class switches mid-fall, so I've got a new prep and a lot on my plate). But having my little one brings the most joy of all. I feel blessed beyond measure.

We ate dinner in the dining hall and then walked back home. Julie alternate between holding my hand, running ahead, and wanting to be held. We went home and snuggled in for reading books and Facetime with Nana. A wonderful counterpart to a full day of work.

Plus, a semi-related final note I can't add in any better way: I am thrilled to say that Julie has finally popped out her last molar. We've had three months of fussy nights, random bites, and lots of ibuprofen/tylenol before bedtime. Seemingly by magic, last Friday night, I forgot to give the tylenol and it didn't matter. All four of those pain machines are finally out! I am beyond thrilled. I already notice her mood is even more joyful!

Time and seasons

Sometimes, in the day to day minutia, I get overwhelmed with teaching, planning to teach, and parenting a young child. Julie requires a lot of hands-on time these days. I don't have much time for personal pursuits, hobbies, or even much wasting time (tho I still steal a few moments here and there). There are days when I wonder if it will ever end; when will I have free time again?

I am heartened, then, by the reminders when I quick-browse blogs in those stolen moments. Blogs like Chookooloonks remind me to look for the light in my every day. Karen, who writes Chookooloonks, has a tween daughter. She has found much more time for herself as her daughter grows.

This reminds me that parenting a young kid (and perhaps someday kids) is simply a season in my life. Just like being a kid myself, or being in college, lent itself to certain ways of spending my time, this season too has its own preoccupations. I do not have the time for binge-watching seasons of TV shows on Netflix or devouring a book right now. Marathon training will have to wait (and that's even assuming I ever decide, for sure, that I will run a marathon). And the pleasure of spending all day in solitude is a thing of the past.

However, I do have the time for laugh marathons. I have time for going on lovely walks and pointing out all the cool things we see; Julie is getting to the point and excited squeal stage, and occasionally she pops out a whole word. Today, "baby!" on a page in one of her favorite books. I have time for reading short stories with gorgeous pictures, playing a myriad of percussion instruments (all gifts!), splashing in the water, and lots of time proclaiming "wheee!" I have time for mimicking animals and hearing her repeat back: favorites are kitty, owl, bee, snake, and puppy.

This is but a season in my life, and this too shall pass. I am beyond excited to see the woman Julie grows up to be. And I am also doing my level best to enjoy the moments of joy, excitement, elation, exploration, and love right now.