penn

On confidentiality

I realize it's been awhile since I've blogged. I'd really like to get back into it, and I've spent some time thinking about why I haven't blogged and why I'd like to do so. I really enjoy writing; getting my thoughts out is cathartic, and I appreciate the small community of people who read my blog. I do like adding pictures too, but it takes so much more time that I rarely get around to it.

On the flip side, it's hard to write when I have a big thing that must be kept private. In my case, my mom was quite ill with cancer for a year and a half. She swore us to secrecy when she was diagnosed. I told a few friends at work/in the area, but it even took me awhile to tell my high school friends. My mom didn't enjoy having her "dirt laundry" aired in public.

She passed away last summer. We are fairly sure she had the same cancer that killed my grandmother and my great-grandmother, so I've already been screened once and will be sure to be extra vigilant about screening as I age.

It was hard to deal with pretty much everything throughout this. I think I shut down a lot to keep from emoting all over the place. Some days are still hard. Even when you know something is coming, it is a challenge to prepare oneself for such a great loss as the loss of a mother. The person who grew me is no longer here to watch me grow.

The other thing that makes me hesitate when blogging is the privacy of my kids. I do enjoy writing about my family, and I am trying to remember these fleeting moments of young childhood. They seem to stretch before me right now in a chain of never enough sleep and always more to do than time, but I know this will go fast. In my own life, each year means that my young years become a smaller portion of my life and of my interactions with my family. So, I'd like to remember, but I also don't want to write memories that later become an embarrassment or fodder for harassment for my children.

I'll feel things out as I go. I hope I can blog more; I think of cool blog posts all the time. We'll see how it goes.

Time creep

It is so easy to feel lazy these days when we can easily see everything our friends are doing on social media. I often get to the ends of weekends and think about all the things I haven't done. Even this weekend is prone to those sorts of feelings, and here's a run down of what I did:

Friday night bed at 7 pm with the little dude (yes! exhausting week of staying up late due to the feelings mentioned above of never getting stuff done, plus he and I are both fighting a cold that just won't quit). And this is where I add a side note: I fell off the blogging bandwagon so I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but I grew a second human! He's a year old now and completely fabulous. His name is Paul. We are smitten.

Saturday: taught morning science exploration time with a coworker for a bunch of middle schoolers, hung out with my kids, went on a long family walk (2 or 3 miles?), grilled for dinner, practiced videoconferencing with my cousin, and enjoyed snuggle time with both my kids at bedtime. Oh, and taped 30 minutes of video lectures for my students so class time can be spent on discussion, exploring, and questions.

Sunday: Matt left early for a 5k, so I got both kids up and ready and out the door to the zoo by 9:45 (a big deal since Julie, the 3.5 year old, sleeps in), enjoyed a day at the zoo, went to Target with Julie to look for a second carseat for her, had a virtual baby shower for my brother and sister in law (hence the videoconferencing) with our extended Penn family (not my actual last name but the part of my family I am closest too, hence my blog name), bedtime snuggles with both kids, and now folding laundry.

And here I was bumming about all the grading I didn't do this weekend, or lesson planning, or cleaning my office, or working on a big sewing project I'm part way through . . . but now I am feeling accomplished.

Time

There's never enough time in the world, it seems. Always slipping past like (insert your favorite slippery animal here). And that's been all too evident to me recently. Some of it is our daughter growing up; she's three now and so much her own self. We also had a little boy this spring, which I should write about sometime. And as a counterpoint to the new life in our little guy, my mother passed away when he was two months old.

She had cancer. As cancers go, it was considered aggressive, though I suppose it could have been worse. She was diagnosed a year and a half before she passed away. I decided to make the best of the time we had left. For, of course, tempus fugit, and each season turns to the next before too long. And I did.

I am sad about my mother's passing, of course. One of the hardest weeks of my life was sitting in the hospital room with her during her last week. The women who heard my first sounds not being part of my life is a challenge. But the silver lining is knowing that I made the most of the time we did have, and I am happy to say that I did embrace the flow of time and seemed to slow it somewhat.

Soon after she was diagnosed, Julie and I flew out to see her for a week. She was still strong and able to play thought tired from treatment. We also spent three weeks with her over the summer plus another week at her cottage. The cottage is a family property located on a lake in Upper Michigan. My mom would go to this lake every summer as a kid, albeit in rental. She'd always wanted to own there. She achieved her dream three years ago. And, again, she had not enough time at a place she loved. But we had a wonderful time playing there last summer, and Julie has a few videos and lots of pictures with her and her beloved Nana.

We also did Christmas right. That was my mom's favorite holiday. All three of her kids were home, and we made lots of traditional family recipes.

And, finally, the month at my house along with a week again with her at the cottage. My most abiding memory, other than time snuggling my little dude, is watching Gone with the Wind with her. My mom loved watching classic movies, and this is one she'd always meant to show me. We got that time. Perhaps we stole that time? It's hard to think in eloquence and metaphors about a topic that is still so raw for me. I also took a lot of pictures of how much Nana loved her new grandson so I can show him when he is older. Julie will remember little bits and pieces; she still talks about Nana recently and about how much she misses her.

I am glad both my kids got to meet their Nana. I narrowly missed meeting one set of my grandparents (my mother's parents); they died a month and three months before I was born, and it's always been a sorrow for me. My mom was so happy she made it to our son's birth.

Time slips, flies, flows, goes. We can try to embrace it, but time will still move on. Still, best to make the best of the time we do have. My summer is helping me see that and reevaluate how I spend my own fleeting time.

Reflections on a new place to live

We moved in late June to a new apartment. Our previous apartment was almost 100 years old and lovely: hard wood floors, deep windowsills, radiators, built-ins, and crown molding. There were also space issues (small/no closets), lead paint issues, and who knows what was going on with the pipes. In the winter, we'd always get hot water before cold from the taps. I presume this is because the radiator and water lines were near each other. Oh, and the radiators controlled the whole building with a thermostat in the hall, so our temperatures would fluctuate between 60 and 80F. Still, we loved our little place. It was cozy and lovely. The hard wood floors were amazing, especially since they'd been covered by carpet for quite awhile and thus were still in great shape.

However, our apartment was just two bedrooms and one bathroom, and space was getting tight. I haven't blogged about it, but we added a second child this past spring (a boy named Paul). We just weren't fitting well for a whole variety of reasons. We could have made it work, but we were given the opportunity to upgrade. We are now in completely new construction with four bedrooms and 2.5 bathrooms. To be honest, that's about one bathroom too many, but that's better than one bathroom too few.

I've noticed some interesting things since moving, which is why I want to write. First, laundry has become more challenging. Previously, we had laundry in our kitchen, and I loved doing laundry. It was so easy. I could hear the machine from anywhere in the apartment, so it was simple to know when to switch a load. Everything in the apartment was, gosh, maybe 20 steps away? I'm not sure, but whenever I needed to add steps at the end of the night, I had to do an entire lap of the apartment to get 100 steps. I could grab laundry, throw it on our bed, fold quickly and put right away. Now, our apartment is three levels when you consider our basement laundry. I do a lot of going up and down stairs, and I can't hear the machine running. I have started using the timer on my phone to remind me to go get loads. Laundry doesn't bother me, and I don't mind doing it, but it's not as simple as it used to be.

Another thing is trying to figure out where to put jackets. Our bedroom was steps away from the front entryway, so we had outdoor jackets in the entryway and things like cardigans hanging up in our closet. Again, I'm doing a lot of stairs now as I run upstairs last second to grab a cardigan before heading to school. Ditto on shoes; I'm actually getting close to just putting all our shoes in the front closet, since we don't wear shoes unless we're moving the house. I don't think I have space for all the cardigans and shoes, but we'll see as I reshuffle.

We also have a lot of stuff. I have no idea how we fit it in a smaller space. We did get a few new things, like a second desk and a second bookshelf. But, mostly, we've just unpacked what we had. We do have more floor space now. I am working on finding a place for everything, and then my next goal will be to start parting with items.

On the whole, I like our new place. It's good to spread out and be able to take stock; we definitely didn't have room to declutter before, which is perhaps how we still own so much. But on nights like tonight where I'm cleaning and doing laundry while running up and down the stairs, I get nostalgic for our tiny spot.

A little sparkle

Recently, I received a new tube of lotion from Burt's Bees. In general, I like the lotion, tho it sometimes feels a bit too twee. It's made from royal jelly, and there's a whole description of how it helps your skin.

In related news, I've been really tired recently. Lots going on at work and in my personal life combined with holiday travel and sleeping in a not-so-comfortable bed have hit me like a truck. My toddler uncharacteristically waking up at 4.15 am on the first day back from break didn't help. All this has culminated in me feeling quite zombie-like as I attempt to teach today to kids still stir-crazy from their vacation.

Back to the lotion: the truly interesting part is that it also includes little flecks of mica to improve your "radiance." So, today, I keep noticing that my skin looks really glittery and doing a double take before remembering the new lotion.

By the afternoon, the flecks have worn off on my arms. But I am trying appreciate the hidden and subtle sparkles that lies beneath my clothes thanks to the lotion. It's a nice counterpoint to the tiredness I feel. Despite desperately needing more sleep (and another few days to be more prepared for this term), I still have a little shine left.

The little things

In our room, we have a fan providing white noise that helps us fall asleep. This also helps circulate air; I'm not a fan of a stuffy room. When it's hot in the summer, the fan cools us off by sitting in the window and bringing in the cooler night air. Right now, as we move into fall and cooler nights, the fan is on the floor just keeping up circulation.

Our previous fan died at the start of the summer. I suspect lack of vacuuming, as it had built up a lot of dust. I'm being more careful with our current fan, which we have owned for awhile but hadn't used in a few years.

With the current fan, it has worked fine for the purpose, with one little annoying quirk: it's got a slight rattle to it. You can sometimes tilt the fan in the window to minimize the rattle, but that wasn't possible on the floor. This provided "more" white noise (as in, a louder fan), but there was this annoying tick we learned to live with.

The other day, I was fed up. I examined the fan; where was the tick coming from? Could I fix it? I discovered that there's a lose metal bar in the fan. It should be attached to the body (I think to stabilize the fan), but the welding had broken. This continually vibrated and introduced the rattle. I knew I couldn't weld it . . . but could I reattach somehow?

One twist tie later and we are back in business with a blissfully working and rattle-free fan. I love low-tech solutions to small annoyances. Shout out to both my dad and miser mom: two people who have inspired me to seek the easy (and "elegant," in our own way) solution.

Happy to be enjoying a quiet night's sleep now; little things really do have such an effect on quality of life.

What about you? Fixed anything small recently?

Q& A for MiserMom

Finally, finally following up on being tagged for a Q & A. I always mean to write, and I let time get away with me. So, without further ado, since any delay here will result in not finishing this.

1. Is there something that you accomplished last year that you can now look back at and say, "Phew! I'm glad THAT's done with!" If so, what is it?

The thing that springs to mind is actually something I finished in May 2014, so it's more like the past two years. I finished up my MAT (Masters of Arts in Teaching), which was a great relief. I did the majority of the program from 2010-2012, when I got my teaching license. I had two classes left for my MAT, but I didn't want to do them during my first year of teaching. We decided to get pregnant right before my second year of teaching. I figured finishing the MAT would be better without a baby. SO relieved that I got that done, and I continue to be more relieved in hindsight. I completely could not manage that today, and I only had a 5 year window post-graduating to finish, so it's a good thing I wrapped it up.

For my thesis, I wrote about and created a website on multicultural science education. Spoiler alert: the most important thing is to use good teaching skills that allow all students to use their own experiences to relate to science. I defended at 8 months pregnant (and I think I surprised at least one member of my committee!).

2. How do you keep track of your appointments and to-do lists? (I'm really curious about how other people manage time and tasks).

I use a google calendar for appointments. I live by that thing. Still trying to figure out how to sync up with my husband. I think he started using google calendar when he got an Android phone, so now it's a matter of taking the time to put them together.

For my to-do list, I go old school. I have tried to do electronic lists, but it gets really overwhelming for me. Mostly, I keep a list on paper, tho I will jettison the list at times (paradoxically, this usually happens when I get really busy and am in "put out the fires" mode). I've got a little moleskin notebook I'm using right now. I just try to rewrite my list every few days and keep track. Honestly, it's not an optimal system. I routinely struggle with the to-do list, prioritizing tasks, and being as efficient as I'd like to be.

Back when I worked at a nature center and had more of a desk job, I had a really good system going. I just used a normal size cheap notebook. The left side of pages was for running tasks (large things, long-term stuff, etc). The right side was where I wrote down a specific to-do list for each day along with the amount of time I thought each task should take. That worked really well but proved hard to keep up with.

3. What do you normally eat for breakfast?

A cup of strawberry yogurt and sometimes a banana. Recently, I've been eating Stonyfield Farm yogurt, but sometimes I go on a chobani kick. If I really want to mix it up, I'll have peaches and cream oatmeal. And, occasionally, a bowl of cheerios with raisins and banana slices. But mostly just yogurt every day.

4. What is the goofiest little thing, that other people don't necessarily notice, that makes you happy?

I get downright giddy about cute erasers, pens that write really smoothly, and a nice fitting pair of headphones. I love to listen to music when I need some me time, and comfortable headphones are essential.

Top 5 reasons I like living in a dorm

I should clarify that I'm a dorm parents, so we live in a nice apartment in the dorm. No room sharing for me these days. Well, at least no room sharing with people I'm not related to by blood or marriage.

1. No weird drops in water temperature or pressure. Perhaps the boilers can run out of water, but I've never had that problem. The water doesn't get super duper hot, but it's hot enough for me at the highest setting. Plus, no worries about scalding yourself, because the water just can't get that hot.

2. Industrial strength toilet -- we have a public restroom style toilet, thankfully with a lid. That baby never clogs. Bonus: hopefully Julie will never be scared by loud public toilets, because our toilet is that loud.

3. My friends live just down the hall. Of course, the downside is that people move to new apartments many years, so the same friends aren't always down the same hall (this also leads to the funny bit of who else has lived in your apartment, and we swap apartment tips and tricks all the times about the idiosyncracies of each place). I love being able to throw on flip flops and visit people. We also loan stuff to each other all the time. It's like being in a commune without actually having to share my living space.

4. Free rent! Do I need to say more? It is in exchange for keeping track of 115ish teenage boys, but that's not as bad as it sounds.

5. I can submit a help ticket anytime something breaks, and someone will come fix it for me. I even got someone to paint a room once, in the winter, when projects were slow.

For us, this lifestyle works well. I hope it continues to be good for our family; hard to say what changes are in store. We've had kids living here all summer, and that's gone fine. Matt even got paid to do supplemental dorm duty. I'm excited for our school-year boys, as some of them will even play with Julie or our cat. Here's to "alternative" living.

Mail

I love post office boxes. There's something fun about heading into the post office to unlock my mail from a little box. Plus, I appreciate the security of knowing my packages and letters are locked up; I've had mail stolen before, and it's not fun. I first had a PO Box when I lived in Gold Beach in the Oregon coast after college. The town was so little that every resident had a PO Box. The post office was right next to the port where I worked, so it was simple to check for mail a few times a week.

When I moved to my current location in Minnesota, I got mail at the house where I lived. But once I moved in with Matt, I didn't want to get mail at the school (we live in campus housing); I technically wasn't supposed to live here, and I thought getting mail here would be weird. I got a PO Box instead, and I was able to swing by regularly enough to check for mail on my way to or from work. I have had my box for 5 years now, and it's been great.

Now that I work at the same school, I found getting mail much more difficult this past year. I started phasing over items to our on-campus box, since the mailroom is right here. We get an email when we have a package. It's all fairly simple. But I still liked having the box, both for mail I hadn't switched over yet and for getting packages while the school was on break. but it still was a pain to get down to the post office more than once every few weeks.

Yesterday, I went and gave up my PO Box. The cost had gone up to $60ish a year, and it just wasn't worth the extra cash to me. I gathered the last of my mail and turned in my keys.

Long story short: if you still only have my PO box address, that's not good anymore. Feel free to email me if you want our physical address; that hasn't changed, and it will be good the entire time we live here. That is one big joy: apartments change regularly here on campus (sometimes called the round robin, clean cups, or the fruit basket upset), but our address never does. At least something is simple.

Eleven Questions

I got tagged to answer eleven questions by Janet at This Confetti Life. I won't tag anyone, since she tagged everyone I'd tag. But I will still play along!

1. What is your favorite type of cheese?

Brie cheese, hands down. So creamy and delicious. I even love brie on a burger; my favorite burger is from The Republic in Minneapolis, and it's got brie cheese and red onion marmalade. Yum!

2. What are you excited about?

First, I'm excited for school to be over. We have five more class days and then three days of finals. I can't wait to be done with grading! I do plan on doing some curriculum work over the summer to rework a bit/prepare for next year/make next year easier for me. But I am ready for a break.

Second, I am super excited for meeting our baby. We have been taking childbirth education classes at the hospital, and I see my doctor every other week. Starting in June, I'll see her every week. I'm 33.5 weeks now, and it's hard to believe I'll have a little one in just two months. So much to prepare.

Oh, that leads me to a before first: I'm excited for my baby shower this upcoming Sunday. A lot of gals here at school (both other teachers and faculty wives) are planning this for me. Should be fun!

3. How did you celebrate your last birthday?

I barely even remember celebrating my last birthday. I think I found out I was pregnant just a few days after, so that was a post-celebration. My birthday fell on parent/teacher conference weekend and wasn't too relaxing. Matt and I went to a movie (Gravity, I believe), and we had some frozen yogurt at one of those mix-in froyo places. Nothing to write home about; I was so busy with grad school, teaching, and coaching volleyball.

4. What is on your bedside table?

A lamp, lots of books (Harry Potter book 4, a genetics book, a kindle, and several baby books), chapstick, a water bottle, and some kleenex.

5. What do you order from the movie theater concession stand?

Usually, we don't get anything. Sometimes, we'll get some popcorn or some candy. Instead, we usually go to dinner right before/after a movie and thus don't get anything.

6. Do you have a garden? What’s growing?

We are hoping to garden this summer! Nothing but hostas are growing right now in our wee little yard. I want to plant some morning glories, some tomatoes, and maybe a few other flowers. We're hoping to do that next weekend when we get a little time.

7. Any summer plans?

Baby! I'm pretty sure that will dictate everything else we do for the summer. My parents are visiting for at least a week this summer, and I'm excited to show them around. Previous visits have been one-day or centered around our wedding, with not much time for sight-seeing.

8. Which TV couple(s) are you rooting for?

I still wish I could rewrite the ending to How I Met Your Mother, because I absolutely adored the mother. I haven't been watching much TV other than Property Brothers and other HGTV shows due to the busy nature of school these days.

9. What’s the last thing you bought?

Groceries, for sure. Non-grocery items? I bought a new black tank top to fit my burgeoning belly so that I am appropriate at school.

10. What’s one thing you are passionate about?

Teaching science well!

11. What are you grateful for this week?

I am grateful for the health of my baby, my relative health, the awesome sewing machines at school, leaves starting to come out on trees, Lucy kitty, and Matt. Life may be busy, but it is also good.