There's never enough time in the world, it seems. Always slipping past like (insert your favorite slippery animal here). And that's been all too evident to me recently. Some of it is our daughter growing up; she's three now and so much her own self. We also had a little boy this spring, which I should write about sometime. And as a counterpoint to the new life in our little guy, my mother passed away when he was two months old.
She had cancer. As cancers go, it was considered aggressive, though I suppose it could have been worse. She was diagnosed a year and a half before she passed away. I decided to make the best of the time we had left. For, of course, tempus fugit, and each season turns to the next before too long. And I did.
I am sad about my mother's passing, of course. One of the hardest weeks of my life was sitting in the hospital room with her during her last week. The women who heard my first sounds not being part of my life is a challenge. But the silver lining is knowing that I made the most of the time we did have, and I am happy to say that I did embrace the flow of time and seemed to slow it somewhat.
Soon after she was diagnosed, Julie and I flew out to see her for a week. She was still strong and able to play thought tired from treatment. We also spent three weeks with her over the summer plus another week at her cottage. The cottage is a family property located on a lake in Upper Michigan. My mom would go to this lake every summer as a kid, albeit in rental. She'd always wanted to own there. She achieved her dream three years ago. And, again, she had not enough time at a place she loved. But we had a wonderful time playing there last summer, and Julie has a few videos and lots of pictures with her and her beloved Nana.
We also did Christmas right. That was my mom's favorite holiday. All three of her kids were home, and we made lots of traditional family recipes.
And, finally, the month at my house along with a week again with her at the cottage. My most abiding memory, other than time snuggling my little dude, is watching Gone with the Wind with her. My mom loved watching classic movies, and this is one she'd always meant to show me. We got that time. Perhaps we stole that time? It's hard to think in eloquence and metaphors about a topic that is still so raw for me. I also took a lot of pictures of how much Nana loved her new grandson so I can show him when he is older. Julie will remember little bits and pieces; she still talks about Nana recently and about how much she misses her.
I am glad both my kids got to meet their Nana. I narrowly missed meeting one set of my grandparents (my mother's parents); they died a month and three months before I was born, and it's always been a sorrow for me. My mom was so happy she made it to our son's birth.
Time slips, flies, flows, goes. We can try to embrace it, but time will still move on. Still, best to make the best of the time we do have. My summer is helping me see that and reevaluate how I spend my own fleeting time.