Recently, I've struggled with my job teaching. It seems like every day is a treadmill: plan, grade, plan, grade. I get a few days ahead in planning, and then I fall behind if I don't keep running. As the Red Queen says, you have to keep running just to stay in one place.
And, yet, there is always a bright side to this. The pain and struggle reminds me that I am delightfully alive. Time continues, and I am not a static being. I am always learning, growing, and changing from my work. And this reminds me of a quote we included in our wedding bulletin:
"Love does not just sit there, like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new." ~ Ursula K. LeGuin
And we, fallible humans that we are . . . we are the same. I like to think of us like bread rather than like laundry, but either metaphor stands. We must continue to be worked on, continually. And so must our endeavors. I imagine many other jobs are like this too, but I only know the teaching side. It's tempting to say that I will sit down, plan, and be all ready and prepared for what lays before me in the year. But that is not realistic nor possible. This reminder came up for me a few days ago in reading a friend's blog post on not quite meeting her personal challenges.
I actually like to see posts when people admit to being not-quite-perfect. So often, we only see the outer side of the people with whom we interact. It is so simple to imagine that we are the only ones with challenge; I must be the only person who didn't receive a manual. But there is no great, orchestrated conspiracy to keep me in the dark. Just like every other human around me, I'm trying to pick my way through the path ahead of me without stumbling too often on the rocks I couldn't see.
Matt and I have been running recently. It is easy to get discouraged, because I am not a good runner. I can sprint at Matt's normal running pace, but my mile time still lags far behind where I'd like it. I'm almost too embarrassed to share here, but I'll post in the spirit of sharing our failings along with celebrating achievement. I currently run at a pace of 13 minutes per mile. But it is something, and I run faster in small bursts. Better still, I feel stronger and happier because I run.
This pursuit has been good for me, and so has teaching. Both remind me that I am making progress, even if that progress is not as fast as I'd like. For me, both running and teaching are pursuits I enjoy but cannot master immediately. And that is okay. Again, I am alive and ever changing.
And, of course, this brings up the lovely line by Tennyson: "To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." Here's to fighting the entropy!
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