" I learned that night that love is never as ferocious as when you think it is going to leave you. We are not always allowed this knowledge, and so our love sometimes becomes retrospective . . ."
From The Weight of Water by Anita Shreve
Today, my roommate was watching Romancing the Stone, and I had the dumb luck to only walk in during the sappy romantic scenes with the two main characters. It really got me dumbly nostalgic for relationships. There's something to be said for having someone to wake up next to or someone to take care of you when you're sick or in the duldrums. Even tho I'm glad to be single right now, because I'm making life choices that would be difficult with a significant other, there's still that part of me that misses being intimate on many levels with one other person. Even my best friend doesn't come close to fulfilling the needs I have. I suppose I should be realistic here and also admit that boyfriends I've had also haven't filled all my needs for affection and comfort either.
Anyway, I really want to talk more about something I wrote almost a year ago which came after this quote in my journal. Behind the cut is my journal entry from Saturday, May 8th, at a hostel in Killarney around midnight. I'm pretty sure this is exactly the night that I skipped out on pubhopping and getting drunk to go see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with a few gals from my Ireland tour group (with Paddy Wagon Tours; I'd recommend them in a heartbeat, but call b/c their website is usually hopelessly out of date).
This quote mirrors the sentiments of the excellent movie I saw tonight: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. What a wonderful movie! In many ways, it made me think back on my relationships with Chris & Eric. There's something fun about new love; after all, who doesn't adore unending tenderness before you have learned all the faults of your mate? And the movie also reminds me of why relationships and comittments scare me to death. Things get old and commonplace. Routines happen. Fights happen. You let someone i your shell, and they can walk away with anything.
The concept in Eternal Sunshine is what scares me the most. Despite the pain and the arguments and the rejection . . . there were happy moments. That's what Joel didn't want to lose, and that's what I love to look back on.
So, the movie was nice and I spent less than I would on a pub crawl [note: I was down to counting eurocents out for meals; I spent all the money I had left on getting to Ireland].
Speaking of, I am kinda weird. Instead of a pub crawl, I did go to the movie. But I got all dressed and ready for the pub crawl, and I was excited for it. But, I don't know if it's really my thing. I mean, I've never really done it before, and I'm scared to try. Perhaps, if I had good friends that would take care of me, then I wouldn't worry as much. But I don't know how far I can trust the girls here . . . they got pretty blitzed themselves. It's just that I don't mind not doing it, but sometimes I think I'm missing out . . . yet other times I go and it's not much fun. Blargh.
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It's definitely interesting to look back in my journal and see what I wrote. I'm really glad I kept a nice journal for Europe; I wrote daily for the first two months or so and fairly often after that. Perhaps I'll have to peruse more and see if there's more worth posting.